Inside Megumi's Head....

Okay so I don't come here often and ever time I do, I'm bitching about something.  So instead of that, I'll just say that I'm having a date with an old friend Jack Daniels.  I'm casually sipping his mellow taste and enjoying every moment.  Hi, Jack it's nice to taste you again!

This morning I found out that Tuki said sayonara.  I'm a mess.  My heart hurts and I don't want him to go.  I just needed to say this.  Anyone who reads this will not understand and one day I'll explain who he is and why he's so important to me and why my heart hurts.  For now, pray for him to have a safe and easy journey in the afterlife.

Over the weekend, my friend's Mom died.  It's so hard to lose a parent.  I lost my Dad over 10 years ago but I still dream about him.  It's not so painful anymore because time will heal your hurting heart.  I still have my Mom with me.  She older and I worry about losing her one day.  What will I do.... I'm really not that close to my sisters or brother.  I mean we get along okay but I'm so different from them.  They really don't understand why I love Japan or why I even go there.  I hear a lot of complaints about my choices.  I would just like to do what I want without them giving me unwanted advice.  I guess I wouldn't feel this way if their lives were good or even okay.  None of them are okay.  I'm not married, no kids, just my 2 dogs and both of them are old too.  I guess I could do whatever I want if I lost my Mom.  Death is so natural but it's so hard.  Even though we don't want our loved ones to suffer, it's so hard to let them go.  When my Dad died, I was crushed and it took me a long time to heal.  I can only imagine how hard it is for my friend.  I pray for her strength and will support her.

BTW, I still have the forum.  It's alive and well I'm happy to say.  I still hate the crazy stuff that happens though.  I recently banned a member.  She was a trouble maker all the way.  She always wanted to talk about subject that are in my opinion too sensitive or just would say things like "Takuya is the only reason why SMAP is making it".... I personally have never believed that.  I think SMAP is 5 men and without any one of them it doesn't work.  She would drive me crazy all the time.  Every time I would post something, she would have a negative or combative response.  On one subject I asked them to stop and she sent me an email expressing her dislike for all my monitoring.  She wanted freedom of speech ON MY FORUM!  I say it like that because I started it, when all else fells I'm responsible.  I also pay for that site.  I don't mind because I totally love and support SMAP but I have the final say!  She talked about democracy and me being an American as if my site should have the same freedom of speech rules.  What most ppl don't understand is freedom on speech in the US is also limited.  You can't say words that will insite riots or doregatory terms against a race.  People really do have some strange ideas about life in the US.... Anyways I let her back on because she edited her post but she can only read the forum just as she requested even though she clearly stated she wasn't a SMAP fan.  That pissed me off more than anything because it seemed as if she was mocking my love for SMAP.  Anyways I'm glad she's gone! 

That's it for now

This winter has been spent watching Korean dramas and SMAP!   I'll be glad when it gets warm and I can go outside for a bit.  I'm looking at Shingo's picture right now and lovin every minute of it!

I forgot about this blog  Well, I'm back now.  I think I'll start to post here too.  I miss having my own space.  I'm still smapping and all although I'm not as crazed as I used to be.  Life is the same for the most part.  Not much has changed, that's really sad too  Oh well, I have a meeting in 15 minutes.  I should get ready.  I'll be back!

Today is just getting worse and worse!  Firstly I overslept so I didn't get to go and workout this morning.  Then, I was talking to my Mom about her crazy ass sister and it just made me upset because she's always competing with my Mom over stupid shit!  Then I get to work and find that they've implemented a dress code!  We haven't had raises in 2 years, our insurance is costing us more money with less benefits, morale is at an all-time low blah blah blah! 

2 days ago, I found out that some asshole posted our subs in clips on Youtube!  That pissed me way off and I emailed that person and asked them to take them off but of course they didn't.  Then I flagged them on Youtube as inappropriate but nothing still has happened so I sent the information to the copyright ppl.  They will probably do nothing also!  What pisses me off the most is that the person is actually a member of my forum and didn't get the last 2 from d-addicts!  So from now on, I'm locking everything up!  I'm so sick of this.  I love operating a forum but I really hate all the headaches and bullshit that goes with it.  I swear I just want to let it go to hell!  I do it because I want everyone to have information about SMAP but I can get the information, so why should I care if other ppl get it?  I see why other ppl close down their forums and just let them die!  I should just like it slowly die......

I've had the privilage to watch some of the FNS 27 Hr TV program that Shingo hosted and I just completely happy!  Shingo has such a sweet spirit and he really has a geniune love for people.  It makes me look at and question myself to see it I have that same kinda love.  So I'm off to watch Shingo!

My goodness I'm tired!  This has been a long week.  I have out of town guest, a bridal shower, and I need to change the color of my hair!  I have no other plans for the weekend except to work on Shiroi Kage 10 sub file and maybe watch old SXS. 

Everyone that sees me now always says "May you've lost a lot of weight!"  Yes I sheared off a small child...maybe a medium child.  It took me 2 years to come down this far and I have 10 pounds to go.  What's crazy is that once I start to "diet" I'm okay after the 1st week and can stay on for months with no problem.  It's always starting!  I know ppl say you have to change your lifestyle and that's true but sometimes I just want pizza!  I also can't give up chocolate!  I just eat dark chocolate now instead of milk.  I haven't worked out in about 2 weeks because I didn't have time.  It's that simple.  I worked well over 40 hrs last week, slept less then 5 hrs per night and by last Friday 9 ish, I was like a dead person.  This week, it was a repeat of last week but starting Monday, I'm going back!  That's it for now.  No more random thoughts....